Alphabet Soup

Og ,u fomgers fet pff bu ecem pme leeu. My father asked me the other day if I ever took a typing class in high school. Mom and I started laughing (hysterically? uproariously?), for she remembered, and I quote, “the typing test you failed was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.”

Let’s just say I channeled a lot of my teenage energy into schoolwork, so my parents never had to hound me about getting any of it done and my grades were no big deal. My A’s (of which there were many) were not particularly celebrated (other friends were taken out to dinner for their good report cards), nor were my failures penalized (ooh, I winced as other friends were chastised for anything less than an A).

Therefore, when I brought home an F on my typing test, I presented it to my mother without any fear of being in trouble. In fact, my mother saw the artistry in it, for not one typed sentence out of twenty ended up on the paper without catastrophe. I remember her laughing and laughing. Not at me, for she did not make me feel shame, but instead, showed me the humor in it.

She taught me to laugh at myself, a gift for which I am truly grateful. But I also share the wealth, and can laugh (good naturedly of course), at the humorous things other people say and do.

This week’s entry therefore, is dedicated to the fun quips and quotes by people I know (or have encountered), either spoken with conviction or slipping out unintentionally. Famous people are credited with most of the quotes we’re familiar with, but these were uttered by real folks and deserve their chance in the sun.

As for the photos, Groom and I saw a broken typewriter which inspired the question: What happens to all the spilled and discarded letters of the alphabet? Since then, we’ve been trying to collect them. While we haven’t found them all, here are some of the ones we’ve gathered so far.

I’d never wanna drive one of them inbreds - A farmer at a coffee shop in Burns, Oregon discussing a Prius with his friends. Uh, did he mean hybrid?

Speaking of… last Saturday while at the Eugene Saturday Market, a woman carrying a baby and pushing a toddler in a stroller walked past the booth and I heard her say, I don’t want to have another inbred. Oh, I hope she meant another Prius.

I’m morift of chagrin. Huh?

I love your decorum. (Commenting on our interior design).

Witherall. (perhaps wherewithal?) – V. Smith

You wore the Norma Kamali until it was a Betsey Johnson. – Julie Stoike commenting on one of my fashion moments.

I’m not gay but I want to look in your closet. – Link, a gentleman at the Eugene Saturday Market commenting on one of my fashion moments.

I look like a beer keg with material stretched over it. – Alicia, a vendor at the Eugene Saturday Market commenting about one of her fashion moments.

Her wings are broken, her tennis shoes are smokin’. – Vickie Getchell discussing her Guardian Angel.

I’m doing really, really great, but don’t worry, I’ll get better. – Christopher, a customer.

I am an overachiever plagued by underachievement. – D. Andrew Huffman

I love animals. They are delicious. - Amy from the Market.

If you could whine every five minutes, how many things could you whine about in an hour and a half? – A customer to his son who didn’t want to do his math homework when they got home.

$60 for that thing? No wonder nobody’s bought it yet. – A little girl looking at one of our pins.

Peacock: A goose with flowers. – A different little girl who stopped by the booth.

Do you ladies make these? – A customer asking if Groom (who is 6’5” and has a beard) and I make the jewelry in our booth.

I don’t know what he’s talking about, and he doesn’t either. – Everett Cade.

Endearing,

Annoying,

Tomato,

To-mah-to. – Donald Webb

By the time the old man decided that butterflies, dandelions and grandchildren were more interesting than dollar signs, his grandchildren had decided that dollar signs were more interesting than butterflies, dandelions and grandfather. - Sara Cade

The ways we respond reveal our soul. – Valerie Brooks

As the soul sows, so the spirit reaps. – Bradley Welch

And I’ll close with a couple of mine. During a difficult experience, I once asked, Um God, does this lesson come in a smaller size?

And afterwards, when I had survived it, I meant to say, “That which does not kill you, makes you better.” Instead, I came out with, That which does not kill you makes you bitter. Whoops!

And just to let you know, I’m very flexible as long as I don’t have to change.